I Am My Hair

I have become a slave to my hair. I have always been the dark girl with the long, thick hair. I hate to admit it, but i allowed that description to become part of my identity.

How I feel is not based on the clothes that I wear or the things that I accomplish. It is based on my hair. If I don't like my hair, nothing is right. I feel self-conscious, I have a bad attitude and I snap on my husband.  I am tired of this, but I don't know what to do. I want to take control. I want to take back my hair. 

I've been going to salons since I was five-years-old. My childhood hairstylist was like another aunt. I still consider her an important part of my family. As I got older and moved away, I always said I wanted to do my own hair. But, everyone told me I couldn't. They told me my hair was too thick and too difficult. The one time I tried it, things went horribly wrong. Sooo, I figured they were right. 

But at this point, I've hit rock bottom. I'm tired of paying people to do my hair and being dissatisfied. I'd rather waste money messing it up myself, than giving it to them. 

Each time I get the courage to do it myself, I psyche myself out. I don't like failure and I know the first six months will be a series of failures. Ugh! However, I think I've reached a breaking point. My hair is thinning around the hairline and I'm not feeling that at all. 

I feel like my new stylist is so limited that she can't help me with styles that will take me away from wrapping my hair. I've started to look online for alternatives and I think I've found some, but I'm scared.  

Most people don't realize that I don't do much to my hair in between my trips to the stylist. I just wrap it every night. I don't  have lots of hair accessories or shampoos and I don't play with my hair much.  I was taught to comb my hair in the morning and leave it alone. I was never the type to style all day long, unless I had a ponytail. I like my ponytails neat. If something gets out of place, I'm smoothing it down. It may be a Chicago thing. Lol!

At the age of 30, I have to give this an honest try. My first attempt will likely be with something called a braid-out. I'll go for the wavy look. I've learned that it failed before because I didn't have the proper products. I think i'm ready this time. 

I don't want to be a slave to my hair anymore. If my man wants to have some water fun, I don't want to say no just because I don't know how to deal with my hair. 

I'm taking back the power. PERIOD. I want my hair to last as long as my life, but I don't want to resent it. I want to love it.